Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
