the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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