Someone shit on the floor
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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