it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
