i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
