the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
