so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
