We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
