wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
