I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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