K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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