I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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