Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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