I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
