haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
