mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
why is half of my head shaved?
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