My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
