no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
