Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
