I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
