I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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