Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
