My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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