I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
