Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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