The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
