so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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