in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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