Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
