Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
