He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
