i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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