If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
