I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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