Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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