Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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