Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
