someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
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