he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
