You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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