Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
