we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
