the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
