you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
