oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
