so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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