bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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