don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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