I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I understand Curling. That high.
we're making bets on your personal life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
