Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
