I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why do cheetos always look like penises
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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