hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
