i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
